It’s hard to say what their story is because they can’t make sense of it. It’s a book they want to close, and they just can’t seem to stop reading.
They started their IVF journey two years ago. Michael went in for an analysis. All came back well except he had zero morphology. They were told they should go see a specialist, so they did. IVF with ICSI was really the only option at this point in being successful. Lindsey found out that she had just enough insurance coverage for one round so they proceeded. They went through the steps. Lindsey has severe PCOS and needed a hysteroscopy to remove several polyps. Now, they were ready. Her oven was ready. Why would this fail? Lindsey retrieved close to 40 eggs with two retrievals (first cycle failed). What they’ve accomplished with those 40 eggs: two failed fresh transfers, a chemical pregnancy, and a heartbreaking miscarriage at 6.5 weeks pregnant ehich Lindsey got extremely sick from and it happened on her birthday to add salt to the wound.
To say they are shattered is an understatement. To say they want to give up, gives them relief. To say their marriage has not suffered would be a lie. The yearning to hold their baby is stronger than any other emotion they could conjure up. After their miscarriage, Lindsey was angry. Angry at herself. What kind of life did she lead to make her eggs so bad? Is this karma for things Lindsey has done in the past? That’s what all of this has proved and the only thoughts that kept going through Lindsey’s head. They started this process because of zero morphology and now Lindsey is the culprit.
So here they are… four months after losing their baby. Lindsey is so inclined to drown her sorrows in mac and cheese and a bottle of wine. At the end of the day, that is never going to help her have their miracle baby. So, she sat and did what she does best – formulated plans. She read books on eggs quality, went back to the gym, started a ketogenic diet, and she takes any and every supplement that may improve egg quality. Lindsey is gearing up for her last retrieval (cycle three) in hopes that this cycle will bring what is yearned so badly, their baby.
The couple has learned a few things in their journey starting with knowing that you and your partner do make a family, baby or not. Sometimes that does have to be enough. Put all you have into this journey so at least at the end of every day, you can say you did everything within your power to be successful. Success is defined by so many measures. Yes, bringing a baby home would be the ultimate success, but having someone who loves and supports you really is the biggest goal. They have that together, they just pray they can add to it.
-Lindsey C., Florida