I may be one voice, but I know the magnitude one voice can have. I also know how one voice can make another person struggling with infertility feel like they don’t have to struggle or suffer alone. The truth is, I am not alone, and neither are you. However, I won’t lie and say that I haven’t felt alone, because infertility can feel very isolating at times. Infertility has impacted me so profoundly that I refuse to keep silent. By openly talking about my struggle with secondary infertility, this is how #IAMchangingtheconversation.
The truth about trying to conceive and/or building a family is that it isn’t always as easy as everyone portrays it to be. For some, like myself, it is a rollercoaster ride. At first it’s exciting, but after a while you feel like you are falling off the cart, dangling by your fingertips, unsure of what will happen at the next turn. The ride continues and you experience every up and down and sideways emotion you can possibly think of. Some end the ride with the thrill of their lives, while others are left feeling like it was the worst ride of their life.
For me, I had my first child naturally with no problem. I had no idea what was in store for me when my husband and I were trying for our second. After trying for over a year, a gut feeling was telling me something was not right. Eventually, I saw my OBGYN, and I was diagnosed with secondary infertility.
As an adult, I had heard about infertility, but I had never heard the term “secondary infertility.” I was naive to think that because we got pregnant easily the first time that we could get pregnant the second time without any issues. Secondary infertility rocked my entire world.
In a nutshell we went through many medicated cycles before moving onto IUI’s. We had 4 failed IUI’s and one canceled IUI. When those didn’t work, we moved onto IVF with ICSI where we conceived our daughter. Although this was a happy time, it was also a sad time because of all we went through to get to where we were. Not only this, but we had lost one of the two embryos that were transferred. It was truly a whirlwind.
Fast forward to today, we have two beautiful daughters, ages 7 and 3. Sadly, our most recent IVF cycle was canceled, and I was diagnosed with Diminishing Ovarian Reserve (DOR). My husband and I are heartbroken that we will likely not be able to add another addition to our family. It is a choice that isn’t made by us, but by secondary infertility. It’s incredibly hard to close this chapter when your heart has so much more love to give. I’ve learned to count my blessings and be grateful that I’m a mom at all, but that doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t ache for what could have been.