Infertility…

That word. This life. The strength.

I remember that cold winter day when my husband and I decided it was time for us to become parents. Christmas came, and I figured I was pregnant. Ok fine, next month is the month. I’m healthy, fit and young.

The joke was on us…

Fast forward three and a half years later. We tried, but not necessarily during the correct times, and some months we didn’t at all. So, there we were, three years later, giving it a real go, and bam…pregnant! Ten weeks later, no longer a heartbeat.

Fast forward again 17 months later… so much heartache, so many tears, so much money used and lost. Every test, lab, procedure, fertility drug, ovulation predictor kit, monthly pregnancy test – and still, no living child. Driving multiple times a week, month after month, to the nearest fertility clinic four and a half hours each way.

At least we now have some answers. Some are hard to hear, especially at the age of 33. Will we ever be parents to our own? Will the day when I’m free and healthy ever come? Or will the next treatment work? Is the surgery going to help?

Hope is our only answer, and it is something we hold on to every single day and month. Something that’s worth fighting for will always prevail in the end.

Until then, I continue to be a “someday Mama.”

Sheli S., Arkansas