I remember once asking a friend who was pregnant if I could have some of her water. I didn’t think it would work, but I wondered if it was worth a try. Years later, another friend posted a picture on social media of her and two women from our church who were pregnant.  

“There must be something in the water because the three of us lovely ladies are all due about a week apart from each other,” she said. This time, my reaction was different. At first, the post annoyed me, and then I felt very frustrated and sad. 

“If only,” I thought to myself. “If only there was something as easy as drinking some water that could help me get pregnant.”

Perhaps my reaction was different this time because of all the failed treatments we’d had at that point. Or maybe it was because my next-door neighbor was one of the three ladies in the post. I am sure we drink the same water. It didn’t help. 

Many people have no clue what infertility is like. The reality is that when you have infertility, there is no magic “water.” You have to just hope and pray with every treatment that maybe this time it will work. Do you know what it’s like to pay over $27,000 to try to have a baby? That’s just to try and get pregnant. It’s hard, especially when none of the treatments work.

My husband and I started trying to have children shortly after we were married. The months of waiting turned into years and had a huge effect on our lives. We had one pregnancy about two and a half years into our marriage. That pregnancy came after an HSG test (a test to check the fallopian tubes). Unfortunately, I miscarried a short time later. That was the only known pregnancy we have had. 

Then my husband lost his job, and we stopped seeing doctors. We saw doctors off and on after that, but financial struggles made it difficult. In 2018, we both went to fertility specialists. Since then, there has been one failed surgery for my husband, and we have done three frozen embryo transfers with adopted embryos. Over the years, I’ve also had three surgeries to remove polyps and/or fibroids in my uterus. We are still childless.

#WeCanALL have empathy. It helps to have others be understanding, be aware of or be sensitive to the feelings of those of us going through infertility. Giving advice is not helpful. Listening to our feelings is. Saying things like “I care about you”, “It’s OK to feel this way”, and “I’m here for you” can be helpful. Just having a friend to talk to and to give you a hug when times are tough can be a big help. 

My husband and I haven’t decided what is next for us yet. We hope one day we will be able to have a child.

Emily O., UT

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