Time is so fleeting.
Knowledge is power.
These are two sayings that resonate with me when I think of my diagnosis of secondary infertility.
Had I known then what I now know about my fertility, I could have taken better charge of my fertility at a younger age. Now, it’s too late. I’m almost 38 years old. I’ve been told the quality of my eggs are poor and the quantity is numbered.
When I was first told this, I didn’t want to believe it. I was in denial. My heart shattered into a million different pieces. I felt helpless. There is nothing that I can do to reverse this.
No one will ever fully understand the grief you harbor when your heart, mind, and soul want another baby and your body says no.
Life is funny how you can be so full of grief, yet also so full of gratefulness all at the same time. You see, I am a mother. I have two beautiful, healthy, and thriving daughters ages 9 and 5. I look at these amazing miracles every day and know I am one of the lucky ones. Yet, the heartache I’ve endured over the years still feels so heavy and the desire to have another baby continues to take up room in my heart.
We had our firstborn naturally, without a thought that secondary infertility would rock our world. We struggled to have our second born and eventually had a successful IVF cycle. We went on to try for our third child with another round of IVF. Unfortunately, my body did not respond to the stims and my cycle was canceled.
At that time, we knew the door wasn’t completely closed but had exhausted all finances to try again with no guarantee of a successful cycle. Here we are, a couple of years later, with almost a 0% chance of having a baby naturally. We are being forced to close this door on a chapter we didn’t choose to close.
This has impacted me in more ways than I can express in a 500-word essay. There is truly no way to summarize what I have gone through over the years trying to build our family. No one can paint the picture of what this is like, what this feels like, or how it can deeply affect you – unless you’ve walked a mile in these shoes yourself.
It is my hope that by sharing a little bit of my personal experience, that someone reading this will know that even if you are just thinking of building a family (even if it’s not now, but someday) that you realize your time is now. Don’t wait. Take charge of your fertility before it’s too late. You have options. You think you have time, but the time is now.
#WeCanAll be more aware of our own fertility and education should begin at a younger age. Real conversations need to happen with young adults about fertility and how infertility can impact your life.
These personal stories have been vetted by RESOLVE to ensure that specific products or service providers are not mentioned. RESOLVE does not edit any details provided by the author in regards to their personal choices or belief.